He immediately delivered some comfort in the form of what I will refer to as “the back row women”. You know, all the women with little kids who sit in the back so they can dash out at a moments notice. They were open, kind and accepting.
In my overly logical mind, I established you can’t just go to one church and “that’s it” you’ve got to shop around so the next week I tried a different church. Bad experience! I literally left early to make it to Genesis in time for their service. What how had I gone from no church to 2 church services in one day? Yipes!
Just like everything in my life I wanted 110% and I wanted it ALL right now! So I did as I always do and completely immersed myself. Started listening to Bott radio network, reading the Bible, checking out all sorts of web pages, tried to get involved in every class and event the church was doing but God wouldn’t let me get over immersed. He kept reigning me back in so as not to get burnt out.
As I keep reading, getting involved and learning I continue to grow and develop. However my husband is not on this journey with me, which just rips my heart out. I know it’s in God’s hands and I continue to pray, and continue to see God work on softening his heart, but it takes patience. I know God will prevail.
So what inspired me to start this blog… well… because I am at the end of myself. I am laying it all down and handing it over to God. This blog is my way of communicating with God. If you come upon it and it helps you fantastic! If it helps spread the gospel- even better because biblically that is what we are all called to do. But mainly this is for me cause God already knows what I’m thinking… I just want to be strong enough to confess and admit and track my growth.
Today’s prayer: Oh Lord, Change me! Forgive the hardness of my heart, my inability to forgive, my anger, my overwhelming need for control. My constant worship of wordly things. Bring in my family, a love for you, a united passion to follow your calling. To share the Gospel and help the poor. Do this through whatever path you know is right. I feel your calling for me to quit my job and spend all my energy serving your will. Give me the strength to keep the faith that you will provide. Your grace and mercies are endless. In your name I fall to my knees! Amen.